dogshame:

I was so excited to see my mom I jumped to greet her but we collided. I accidentally busted her lip and broke her two front teeth. Dental bill $320. She says she still loves me.

humansofnewyork:

"After years of telling my son not to drive drunk, I drove home drunk one night. Boy did he let me have it. He screamed at me for hours, and even called my girlfriend."

septagonstudios:

Luke Ramsey ON TUMBLR

Two dinosaurs looking for each other in a forest…

nursejoy:

me when i’m not ok but I don’t want people to worry about me

image

(via hayhay0521)

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I WANT TO KISS YOU!
I WANT TO KISS YOU TOO!
HOW DO WE DO THAT?
I’M NOT SURE!
UGH! WHY ARE OUR FACES MADE OUT OF BANANAS?
BECAUSE WE WOULD LOOK RIDICULOUS WITH LIPS!
EXCELLENT POINT! YOU ARE VERY SMART!
THANK YOU! LET’S MASH BANANAS!
[preorder the book]

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I WANT TO KISS YOU!

I WANT TO KISS YOU TOO!

HOW DO WE DO THAT?

I’M NOT SURE!

UGH! WHY ARE OUR FACES MADE OUT OF BANANAS?

BECAUSE WE WOULD LOOK RIDICULOUS WITH LIPS!

EXCELLENT POINT! YOU ARE VERY SMART!

THANK YOU! LET’S MASH BANANAS!

[preorder the book]

(via hayhay0521)

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I’M NOT TRYING TO BE DIFFICULT BUT YOUR AD SAID “TASTEFUL MODELING.”

[preorder the book]

animalstalkinginallcaps:

BY ALL THE GODS, WHAT IS THAT STRUCTURE? IT’S MESMERIZING. LOOK AT THAT INVITING, CENTRAL STONE FIREPIT, HOUSED BY ADOBE-ESQUE TAN BRICK WALLS. GAZE UPON THE GENTLE SLOPE OF THE RED CLAY TILE ROOF AND THE SOFT CURVES OF THE SIMPLE, MISSION-STYLE BELL THAT TOLLS NOT LOUDLY IN THE STILL SUMMER AIR BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART, PROMISING YOU RELIEF. AFFORDABLE, DELICIOUS RELIEF FROM ALL YOUR WOES.

PULL INTO THIS “TACO BELL” CARL. I WISH TO KNOW ITS SECRETS.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I’M GOING TO RUN TO CVS AND GRAB SOME TRASH BAGS. WE’RE ALMOST OUT. YOU NEED ANYTHING? SOME CIGARETTES? 
WHAT ABOUT Q-TIPS? THEY’RE HAVING A SALE ON Q-TIPS.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I’M GOING TO RUN TO CVS AND GRAB SOME TRASH BAGS. WE’RE ALMOST OUT. YOU NEED ANYTHING? SOME CIGARETTES? 

WHAT ABOUT Q-TIPS? THEY’RE HAVING A SALE ON Q-TIPS.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

OH MY GOD, YOU TWO, GET A ROOM.

SERIOUSLY, THAT IS SO TACKY.